Friday night

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Friday night

Post by Ozzman on Sat Apr 30, 2011 2:04 am

....I'm sitting at home. By myself. Bored. No more sports games on tv. Broke. No alcohol. No video games.

What the fuck is everyone else doing right now?
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Re: Friday night

Post by Garrett on Sat Apr 30, 2011 2:31 am

so, let me spin you a yarn here.

I woke up at 11am on the notion that me and my girlfriend would spend the day together. we've been talking about it for the last two days. I took a shower, dressed, got all nice looking, and then waited around.

At a little after 12, I sent her a text saying I was ready when she was. She let me know that she had an appointment at 12:50, and would be over after that. Fair enough.

A little after 1, she sends me a text saying she hopes she won't be too delayed. I say it's alright. I keep waiting.

Now it's nearing 4pm, so I send her a text asking if everything is okay. She writes back, maybe 10 minutes later, to tell me that she doesn't have a car to take. This seems kind of fishy to me, because her family only has four members and they own four cars. I write back asking where the cars went and what we were going to do now. She makes some excuses and says she'll come over when her dad gets off work, and she can presumably use his car. I say "when will that be, another two hours?" She says she hopes not.

At 7pm, she tells me that she's upset about the way I reacted to the whole car thing, and she doesn't think she should come over now. I apologize, but it's useless. She's in unhappy mode. She tells me she doesn't want to be in a relationship where her partner makes her feel guilty all the time. I called her to talk to her more personal like, but she's completely walled off already. Again, it's useless.

So, I wasted my entire day waiting for my girlfriend, and when I was upset that she was hours late and didn't let me know, it was my fault for making her feel guilty. fucking awesome.

Now I'm on my second bottle of wine.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Ozzman on Sat Apr 30, 2011 3:09 am

Holy shit. That sucks dude. At least you got wine?

My drunk/homeless uncle came over. Drinking more beer. Started having conversations with himself. So now I'm holed up in my bedroom.

Text your woman and tell her you miss her. She'll open up. I think?
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Re: Friday night

Post by Garrett on Sat Apr 30, 2011 3:14 am

nothing doing. I've texted her several times to tell her that I like her, that I miss her, that she looks like a character on twin peaks. no response at all.

I've got wine because today is payday. I've only got about $40 left now after bills to last me the next two weeks.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Toothbrush on Sat Apr 30, 2011 4:11 am

nooooo don't text her. You're best bet is to do your own thing and see how she's going to react.


Last edited by Toothbrush on Sat Apr 30, 2011 12:14 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Friday night

Post by Soylent Brown on Sat Apr 30, 2011 4:36 am

Dude, Garrett should text her if he wants. She's in a relationship with Garrett, however he responds is appropriate. dammit. Besides, she's the weirdo.

We watched Angus.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Toothbrush on Sat Apr 30, 2011 4:44 am

I mean, yeah dude can do whatever he wants, and I'm by no means a ladies man, but it seems to me like she's basically telling him he's too available. We all do it. We think, ok she's my girlfriend so I'll be ready to hang out with her and talk about my feelings and bla bla bla, when really she WANTS you to be a little bit unavailable. They don't even really know what they're doing or why they feel that way, but that's the way they end up feeling.

Just think about it. What she tried to do was dick him along while being "nice" about it. When he finally said something that wasn't even really bad she got all mad about it. She was setting him up to react that way so she could play the victim card. What he should have done was either went and did something else or lied about going to do something else. When she texted and said yet one more time that she might be running even more late he should have told her it was ok because his buddy picked him up and they went out for drinks and to shoot pool or something. I guarantee she would have reacted way different.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Robo-Pussy on Sat Apr 30, 2011 10:50 am

now im nothing wrote: She tells me she doesn't want to be in a relationship where her partner makes her feel guilty all the time.

That sucks. Once they start talking like that it ain't good.

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Re: Friday night

Post by winterborne1 on Sat Apr 30, 2011 1:25 pm

Ozzman wrote:Text your woman and tell her you miss her. She'll open up. I think?

Really not liking this advice. You don't want to seem needy or clingy, even if you are in a relationship with that person. What I would probably do is give it a day or two, and then set something up she can't refuse. I don't know who this girl is but she's got hobbies and certain things that she really enjoys doing regardless of her relationship status. Set something up that she would always say yes to, whether she was single or not.

For the girl that I'm kinda sorta seeing, that would be a road trip. No matter what sort of things we're fighting about, she'll never turn down a road trip if she's free. Or camping.
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Re: Friday night

Post by winterborne1 on Sat Apr 30, 2011 1:32 pm

Or...

Consider that there might be something completely unrelated that is stressing her out. Ask her about her life, and see if you can get her to vent about something. Girls can't refuse an opportunity to vent, either.
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Re: Friday night

Post by winterborne1 on Sat Apr 30, 2011 1:40 pm

Haha I just decided to test my own claim and ask my "most significant" if she wants to go camping. She immediately responded, "WHEN? IM SO DOWN!" LOL I love the fact that I know all the keys to her heart. Looks like we're going camping next week.
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Re: Friday night

Post by winterborne1 on Sat Apr 30, 2011 2:01 pm

Toothbrush wrote:I mean, yeah dude can do whatever he wants, and I'm by no means a ladies man, but it seems to me like she's basically telling him he's too available. We all do it. We think, ok she's my girlfriend so I'll be ready to hang out with her and talk about my feelings and bla bla bla, when really she WANTS you to be a little bit unavailable. They don't even really know what they're doing or why they feel that way, but that's the way they end up feeling.

Just think about it. What she tried to do was dick him along while being "nice" about it. When he finally said something that wasn't even really bad she got all mad about it. She was setting him up to react that way so she could play the victim card. What he should have done was either went and did something else or lied about going to do something else. When she texted and said yet one more time that she might be running even more late he should have told her it was ok because his buddy picked him up and they went out for drinks and to shoot pool or something. I guarantee she would have reacted way different.

I pretty much agree with you. She's gotta feel like she's the one who's missing out, not you.

I would probably say the same thing you suggested. I'd let her know that it's perfectly fine, and I was gonna go do something fun with some other people. That would probably make her a little bit jealous, and I'd help ease that jealousy by letting her know, "It's totally fine, maybe we can do something next week. Good luck with whatever you're dealing with. Call me if there's something wrong."


Last edited by winterborne1 on Sat Apr 30, 2011 2:06 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Friday night

Post by Garrett on Sat Apr 30, 2011 2:05 pm

I'm well aware that whoever cares the least in the relationship holds all the power.
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Re: Friday night

Post by winterborne1 on Sat Apr 30, 2011 2:20 pm

True, but I consider that a very pessimistic way of looking at your relationship. It shouldn't be about who holds the power. Instead, I would really be asking myself, "Why am I bothered about this? Why am I so dependent on this person? Shouldn't I be having fun with my life, regardless of what she's doing?"

I don't think the issue is about who holds the power between you two. It isn't supposed to be a contest. I think the real issue is your inability to turn your failures into opportunities.

If you're so upset about her keeping you waiting and ultimately not hanging out with you that you're binge drinking on wine, then obviously you forgot how amazingly fun video games are.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Soylent Brown on Sat Apr 30, 2011 4:41 pm

If I were running late or pretending to run late, I could get really butt hurt about my guy going out. Like, bitch I said I was coming. What, I'm not good enough to wait for?

I'm kind of psycho, though.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Toothbrush on Sat Apr 30, 2011 5:30 pm

All girls are like that. That's the point. It's a way of letting her know you're not going to sit around and wait for her without having to tell her that. Because really, telling girls things ends up backfiring most of the time.

For instance, if you see her talking to some guy and he's obviously hitting on her and she's loving the attention you might get jealous and a bit angry. You're first reaction is to go tell her something because you know, relationships are all about communication and all that crap. So you tell her you don't like it and how it makes you feel and you think she'll understand and not do it anymore. All that happens is now she knows how to get to you and the next time she gets mad guess what she's going to go do?

What you need to do is find a way of letting her know that shit isn't going to fly with you so what you do is go find the hottest girl in the room and strike up a conversation. She'll see and get pissed and if she's still is into you she'll say something. So what you did is tell her that if she's going to do that crap you're going to do your own thing and you won't be around anymore.

That's why homey should have went and did something else. She'll get the hint and he'll look like he has his own life. Girls want a guy that has his own thing going on and that his happiness is not dependent on anyone but him. When she said she doesn't want to be in a relationship where he makes her feel guilty what she really is saying is she doesn't want to be responsible for his happiness. They want to work for your attention. That's why they wear dresses and makeup and shit. If you're sitting at home waiting for her she gets BORED.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Soylent Brown on Sat Apr 30, 2011 5:42 pm

That sounds like a terrible way to manage a relationship.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Toothbrush on Sat Apr 30, 2011 5:51 pm

Why?
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Re: Friday night

Post by Soylent Brown on Sat Apr 30, 2011 6:02 pm

It's constantly doing things out of spite and beating around the bush?
It's full-blown mind games. If you think being a girl's bad, that's going down to the same level and playing along opposite?

I'm pretty sure I'd rather get dumped.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Toothbrush on Sat Apr 30, 2011 6:13 pm

Hmm I see what you're saying but it's not about doing things out of spite it's about being able to be happy on your own. Independence is attractive. It's not about mind games it's about controlling yourself. The worst thing you can do is let a girl know you're upset. I'm not saying if a family member dies or something you hold it in. I'm saying don't get mad over ruined plans because in the end that stuff doesn't really matter. You're not playing games all you're doing is saying life will go on with or without you. This makes the girl interested and wanting your attention. And really it's for her too. Nobody likes feeling responsible for other people's happiness. It's draining and turns good deeds into a chore. It ceases to become something they do because they like you and want to make you happy and turns into something they have to do in order to keep you from turning into a grumpy guss.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Soylent Brown on Sat Apr 30, 2011 6:24 pm

I think there's too much mediation in that.
I like just being comfortable with my guy and him with me. Not having to think about how we're acting all the time. At the moment there are some double standards because I'm pretty nutty with some stuff, but talking (yes, actually talking and knowing when he or I is upset) through things really helps. We get down to very raw basic feelings if we have to, especially when I'm not being guided just through rationale. He knows I'm a bit nutty, but our double standards are dwindling through speech, not through psychological signals he's supposed to know how to read or vice versa.
I've been caught sending those signals and called out on it.
They don't tend to happen anymore and if they do, holy fuck I'm embarrassed.

I know this isn't about me or about guys and girls in general. I guess I was trying to say that playing games is a lot of work. Work that detracts from actually being happy and fucking.
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Re: Friday night

Post by winterborne1 on Sat Apr 30, 2011 8:45 pm

Yeah I'm not into the mind games thing. I definitely wouldn't go hitting on the hottest girl in the room if I saw my girl talking to some guy. If a girl is letting some other dude hit on her, I'd probably just out-cool that guy, and come up and join the conversation and just be chill and easy going. He'll get the hint that she's with me, and if I'm really cool to him, he'll understand WHY she's with me, and maybe he'll gain some respect for me and not hit on my girl. I tend to be VERY friendly towards guys who are hanging out with my significant. It lets everyone know who's the cool guy in the room, her included. If she gets frustrated by that, well then it's probably time to break up. If she can't handle me doing a little bro-bonding with the guys around her, that's a problem SHE has, and I would think that's weird and unattractive.

As for dealing with her, I just wouldn't. I'm not the jealous type. If she likes attention from other guys, I honestly don't care, as long as she's good to me and doesn't cheat.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Toothbrush on Sat Apr 30, 2011 10:33 pm

I was just using that as an example of having you're own thing going on. What winter said is probably the best way to handle the situation. Unfortunately in the past I've done the whole "this upsets me and these are the reasons why..." thing and it turned out bad for me. But yeah, I was just trying to show that you can tell a girl not to do things without actually telling her. Nobody likes to be told what to do and no matter how much you sugar coat it by talking about feelings and yadda yadda yadda she's still going to feel like you told her how to act. If you show her that her actions caused you to remove yourself from the situation she can choose to modify her behavior. Her having the choice is what's important. I know it sounds like head game type shit but it's actually treating the other person like an adult and with respect.

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Re: Friday night

Post by Toothbrush on Sat Apr 30, 2011 10:43 pm

Basically what you're saying is, "If you want to let guys hit on you, or blow me off all day, or whatever else that makes me feel like crap, that's your choice, but I respect myself enough to not let anyone treat me like that. Besides, I have tons of other things I can be doing."
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Re: Friday night

Post by Soylent Brown on Sat Apr 30, 2011 10:58 pm

yeah, maybe she was a 'tard and that's why it didn't work.

If you have to work that fucking hard to get something across...
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Re: Friday night

Post by Toothbrush on Sat Apr 30, 2011 11:07 pm

It's not working hard though. Do you really think it's easier to sit and talk about your feelings everytime you get upset? All I'm saying is live your life and if someone treats you like shit do your own thing. It's pretty simple.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Soylent Brown on Sat Apr 30, 2011 11:26 pm

edit* that was retarded.

It's difficult to talk about feelings, yeah. But once you become comfortable doing it, it isn't. Or shouldn't be.

It's worked for me. Not everyone can or will put up with indirects and subtle jabs.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Toothbrush on Sat Apr 30, 2011 11:45 pm

I didn't see what you posted before the edit, if that's what that means.

And I never said it was difficult to talk about feelings. I just said it's better to have your own life and only let the people in that treat you right.

I'm sure your relationship is healthy and you're an understanding and caring girlfriend. I'm still waiting to meet one like you. Unfortunately the only success I've had is when I've adopted the attitude I've outlined above.

I'm always open to new ideas and if something ends up working better for me I would certainly give it a shot.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Soylent Brown on Sat Apr 30, 2011 11:49 pm

I deleted what I had posted. I put the edit thing in case you had seen it. It was jargon.

The issue may not have been what approach or attitude you were using but who you were with. It just doesn't work out sometimes, regardless of how you approach it.
How you think you should act in a relationship and how you actually end up acting or approaching it could also be two very different things.
Easy to say, but when there are emotions invested, doing other than your gut instinct can be difficult.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Toothbrush on Sat Apr 30, 2011 11:56 pm

Actually, I don't fully mean that it's unfortunate I've had success that way. What I mean to say is I wish talking about feelings worked for me. It just made me feel even shittier when nothing changed. It made me feel like I wasn't worth listening to or caring about. Since I've adopted the attitude that I'm the one that makes me happy and if someone treats me like shit I just move on instead of explaining everything, I've been way happier. And things don't really bother me as much any more. I think always talking about my feelings made me rely on that form of venting to make me feel better and I made issues out of things that really didn't deserve my attention. I guess I woukd just like to know why you're so against that?
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Re: Friday night

Post by Soylent Brown on Sun May 01, 2011 12:15 am

I'm not against it, but against suggesting it in that way.

It might work for some girls, it might not for others. Some guys might feel comfortable doing that and others mights not.

If Garrett, or anyone else, feels like texting their boy/girlfriend, they should. too much tact removes the person, I think. If he doesn't have anything else to do, or wants to wait on her, why shouldn't he be able to tell her that? lying about something so trivial seems like it's giving it too much importance.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Toothbrush on Sun May 01, 2011 12:42 am

My advice was based on what he said she told him. She strung him along all day and never confirmed she would in fact show up. She had transportation to go to her appointment but not to keep the date she made with him. When he asked how much longer he was going to have to wait she turned it around on him. All of which seems sketchy to me. At that point I don't think she deserves a text from him, to be honest.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Soylent Brown on Sun May 01, 2011 12:49 am

Probably not, yeah. But Garrett's nice?
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Re: Friday night

Post by Toothbrush on Sun May 01, 2011 12:56 am

ale wrote:But Garrett's nice?
Not sure exactly what you mean by this, but no I don't think he is. He seems less mean the past few years, but yeah...

Actually I don't think anyone here is really all that nice.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Toothbrush on Sun May 01, 2011 1:01 am

But he did let me be a mod on his board so that was really nice.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Soylent Brown on Sun May 01, 2011 1:24 am

You said she didn't deserve a text. If he sent her one, then she probably did, 'cause she got one?

I don't think anyone's genuinely mean here.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Soylent Brown on Sun May 01, 2011 1:25 am

Feels really dirty talking about Garrett like he's not really here or doesn't have a voice of his own.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Toothbrush on Sun May 01, 2011 1:39 am

Oh ok I get it. I think...

Are you saying he probably sent her a mean text which she deserves because she was being mean to him? Or am I still too stupid to get it?



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Re: Friday night

Post by winterborne1 on Sun May 01, 2011 4:26 am

Being independent-minded shouldn't have anything to do with your significant other. It's something you should do for yourself. Your significant other's reactions are just a good way of measuring how well you're doing for yourself. They are the reward, not the reason.
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Re: Friday night

Post by Garrett on Sun May 01, 2011 5:05 am

wow, lots of chatter.

I pretty much spent the day with Jess or working, and fuck, that's too much to read.

Here's what's going to happen now:

1. I'm going to no longer expect her to keep our dates. This one sounds terrible, but I think I'll feel better this way. This is maybe the third time this has happened, but it's only happened in the last two weeks, which leads me to my next resolution...

2. I'm going to sort of back off, and let her initiate more. She's facing the end of the semester, she has a lot of stuff due, her family is kind of on her back for being 25 and still mooching off them, and yet they still kind of treat her like a kid. I'm sure it's stressful, and I don't want to be another factor in her stress.

3. I'm going to be more independent. Honestly, I'm usually pretty good with spending time by myself. I do like to stay in communication though, and even texting has been light lately, presumably because of school.

I am absolutely not going to play any games, I am simply going to remove myself from the elements that are annoying me. As for my niceness; I am an asshole, but not a mean-spirited one. Much like those old Friar's Roasts, I like to poke fun, but it's not because I don't like you.
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Re: Friday night

Post by chingon on Mon May 02, 2011 3:30 pm

I like the way Garrett thinks.
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Re: Friday night

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